How to write a letter of condolence: Advice and examples

A letter of condolence is a short, personal message to someone who's grieving, to share your sympathy and remember the person who's died.

It can be a letter, a few lines in a sympathy card or, for a colleague or client, an email. Many people keep the letters they receive and read them again in the months that follow.

Try to send your letter of condolence within two weeks of hearing about the death.

If more time has passed, it's still worth writing. Hearing from someone weeks or months later can be a comfort, especially once the funeral is over and the cards stop arriving.

A handwritten letter or card feels more personal than a typed message, so write by hand if you can.

A sympathy card with a short handwritten note inside works well. If you'd like to say more, you can tuck a longer letter inside the card.

For a work colleague or client, a typed letter or email is fine. Always sign your name by hand on a printed letter.

Keep a letter of condolence short, usually a few short paragraphs or less than one side of paper.

When you were close to the person who's died, you may want to say everything you're feeling. A few sincere sentences will mean more to someone who's grieving than a long letter they find hard to read.

Name the person who's died, say how sorry you are, share a memory and offer support.

There are no rules, but this order can help you organise your thoughts:

• Acknowledge the death. Use the person's name and say how you heard the news. There's no need to mention how they died.
• Share your sympathy. Say simply and sincerely that you're sorry.
• Explain how you knew them. This matters most if the reader doesn't know you, for example if you worked with their dad.
• Say what made them special. Mention a quality you admired, such as their kindness or sense of humour.
• Share a memory. A short, fond story shows the difference they made to the people around them.
• Offer specific help. Practical offers are easier to accept than "let me know if you need anything".
• Close with warmth. End with a kind wish or a reminder that you're there for them.

Customs vary between faiths and cultures. If you share the family's faith, you might mention their beliefs. If you're not sure, keep your words simple and personal.

What help could I offer?

Think about what would make the next few weeks a little easier. You could offer to:

• do a weekly food shop or cook a meal
• look after children or pets for an afternoon
• keep an eye on the house or forward post
• drive them to appointments
• simply come round for a cup of tea and a chat

Only offer what you're able to do, and follow through on it.

Start a letter of condolence by addressing the reader by name and saying how sorry you are to hear about the death.

For someone you know well, use their first name. For someone you don't know, or a client, use their title and surname.

Opening lines you could adapt:

• "I was so sorry to hear that June has died. I know how close you were."
• "I was deeply saddened to hear about your dad. He was such a kind and generous man."
• "I've been thinking of you since I heard the news about Mark."

End a letter of condolence with a warm wish, a reminder that you're there for them and a simple sign-off.

If you can't be with them in person, say when you'll be in touch. A specific promise, such as "I'll call you next week", means more than a general offer.

Closing lines you could adapt:

• "I'm thinking of you all, and I'm here whenever you need me."
• "I'm sorry I can't be with you in person. I'll call you next week."
• "Please pass on my love to the rest of your family."

To sign off, choose words that fit your relationship:

• With deepest sympathy
• Thinking of you
• With love
• With kind regards, for a colleague or client

Avoid anything that explains away their grief or turns the focus to you.

Some well-meant phrases can feel hurtful to someone who's grieving. Try to avoid:

• "I know how you feel." Everyone's grief is different.
• "At least they had a long life." It can sound as though their loss matters less.
• Details of the illness or how the person died, unless the family has shared them.
• Offers you won't be able to keep.

If you're struggling for words, it's alright to say so. "I don't know what to say, but I'm so sorry" is honest and kind.

What to say to someone before, during and after a funeral

These example letters of condolence show how the advice comes together for different relationships.

Use them as a starting point and add your own memories, so the letter sounds like you.

A letter of condolence to a friend

Dear Rebecca,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. She was such an important part of your life, and she made everyone who visited your house feel welcome.

I'll always remember her teaching us both to bake scones on a rainy Saturday, and laughing when we covered the kitchen in flour.

I'll drop round a meal on Thursday, and I'm here whenever you want to talk. Please give your dad and brother a hug from me.

With love,

Jess

Writing a condolence letter to a friend

A letter of condolence to a colleague

Dear Sam,

I was so sorry to hear that your husband, Alan, has died. Everyone in the team is thinking of you.

You often told us about the walks you and Alan took together, and it was clear how much you meant to each other.

Please don't worry about work. We'll take care of things here for as long as you need. If it would help, I'm happy to call the client on your behalf next week.

With deepest sympathy,

Priya

A letter of condolence to a client

Dear Mrs Jones,

I was very sorry to hear about the death of your father.

Although I never met him, you often spoke about him during our meetings, and I could see how close you were.

Please take all the time you need. If there's anything we can do to help, please let me know.

With kind regards,

John Smith

A letter of condolence to someone you don't know well

Dear Frank,

John and I were so sad to hear about the death of your mother. We lived next door to Elizabeth for 12 years.

She was one of the kindest neighbours we've known. She always looked after our cat when we went away, and he was quite disappointed to come home.

If it would help to have someone keep an eye on the house or collect the post, we'd be glad to.

With our sympathy,

Deborah and Charles Smith

Fill in the gaps in this letter of condolence template, then add a memory of your own.

Dear [name],

I was so sorry to hear about [name of the person who's died]. [One sentence about how you knew them.]

[A quality you admired.] I'll always remember [a short memory].

[A specific offer of help, such as "I'll call you next week" or "I'll bring round a meal on Saturday".]

I'm thinking of you and your family.

[Sign-off],

[Your name]