What's involved in planning a funeral?
Planning a funeral usually means choosing a funeral director, deciding between burial and cremation and shaping a service that reflects the person who's died.
Here's the usual order:
- Check for funeral wishes, a will or a funeral plan
- Choose a funeral director
- Decide between burial and cremation
- Choose the type of service
- Set a date and time
- Add personal touches, such as music, readings and flowers
- Let people know about the funeral
- Plan the day itself, including transport and any gathering afterwards
- Think about the ashes, a headstone and ways to remember them
You don't have to follow this order exactly. Your funeral director will help you work out what needs deciding first.
1) Did they leave any funeral wishes?
Before you make any decisions, check whether the person who's died left a will, a funeral plan or wishes they shared with family or friends.
Some people write down the music they'd like, whether they'd prefer burial or cremation, or where their ashes should go. These wishes aren't legally binding, but most families like to follow them where they can.
A funeral plan may name a funeral director and cover some or all of the cost. If you find one, contact the plan provider or the funeral director it names.
If they didn't leave any wishes, that's alright. You can make the choices that feel right for them and for your family.
2) How do I choose a funeral director?
Choose a funeral director you feel comfortable with, who explains your options clearly and gives you a full estimate before you decide.
Funeral directors must publish a Standardised Price List on their website and in their branches. This makes it easier to compare what's included and what it costs.
Most families use a funeral director, but you can arrange a funeral yourself if you'd prefer.
When you first call, you'll be asked a few questions, such as where the person is and whether you know their wishes. Share as much or as little as you're ready to. Our FuneralCoop teams are here for you 24 hours a day, every day.
3) Should it be a burial or cremation?
Choosing between burial and cremation is a personal decision, often guided by the person's wishes, their faith and your family's budget.
- A burial gives family and friends a grave to visit. You could also choose a natural or woodland burial, in a setting kept close to nature.
- A cremation gives you more choice about what happens next. You can scatter or bury the ashes, keep them at home or turn some into a keepsake.
Customs vary between faiths and cultures, and some faiths ask for burial rather than cremation. Tell your funeral director what matters to your family, and they'll help you plan around it.
4) What type of funeral service is right for them?
A funeral can be religious, non-religious or a mix of both, and it can be as traditional or as personal as you'd like.
A religious service is usually led by a minister, priest or faith leader. A non-religious service can be led by a celebrant, or by a family member or friend.
The service can take place at a place of worship, a crematorium or a graveside. It can also be somewhere that meant something to them.
What is an unattended funeral?
An unattended funeral is a burial or cremation without a service or mourners.
An unattended cremation is also called a direct cremation. Some families choose it so they can remember the person in their own way, perhaps with a gathering or memorial later.
Buying an unattended funeral online: Your questions answered
5) When should the funeral take place?
A funeral can take place once the death is registered and your funeral director has the green form, the Certificate for Burial or Cremation.
There's no set time limit. The date usually depends on when the crematorium, cemetery or place of worship is free, and when family can travel.
If a coroner is involved, the funeral may need to wait until the coroner gives permission. Your funeral director will keep you updated.
Some faiths hold funerals very soon after a death, sometimes within 24 hours. Let your funeral director know as early as you can, so they can help.
6) How can I make the funeral personal?
Music, readings, flowers and a few words about their life are the simplest ways to make a funeral feel like theirs.
Music and readings
Most services have music as people arrive and leave, and sometimes a piece in the middle for quiet reflection. You might choose a song they loved, a hymn or a classical piece.
Readings can be religious or not, from a psalm to a poem or a passage from a favourite book.
Choosing funeral readings, verses and poems
Writing a eulogy
A eulogy is a short talk about the person's life. Five to ten minutes is usually enough, and fond or funny stories often say more than a list of achievements.
Writing it together as a family can share the load. More than one person can speak, if they'd like to.
Order of service
An order of service tells guests what will happen during the funeral, and many people keep it afterwards. You could include a favourite photo, a poem or the words to the hymns.
Flowers or donations
Flowers in their favourite colours, or a design linked to a hobby, can tell part of their story. If you'd prefer, you can ask guests to give to a charity instead.
Other personal touches
Other ideas families choose include:
- a display of photos, or a guest book where people can write a memory
- friends from a club or group they belonged to joining the procession
- a dress code that reflects them, such as a favourite colour or football shirt
7) How do I let people know about the funeral?
Tell close family and friends first, then share the date, time and place more widely once the funeral is confirmed.
You can ask a few people to help make calls or send messages. A death notice in a local newspaper or online also shares the funeral details, and your funeral director can help you place one.
If you'd like a private funeral, or flowers from family only, say so in the notice. It helps guests know what you'd like.
8) What do I need to plan for the day itself?
On the day of the funeral, the main things to plan are transport to the service and whether to hold a gathering afterwards.
Transport
A hearse carries the coffin to the service. Close family often travel together in one or two limousines behind it, or guests can make their own way.
Alongside traditional vehicles, some families choose an electric hearse, a horse-drawn carriage or a motorcycle hearse.
A gathering after the funeral
Many families invite guests to a gathering after the service, often called a wake. It could be at home, at a local pub or somewhere that meant something to them.
Simple food that people can eat standing up works well. Ask friends or a caterer to help, so it doesn't all fall to you.
9) What happens after the funeral?
After the funeral, you can decide what to do with the ashes or choose a headstone in your own time.
There's no rush. Ashes can usually stay with the funeral director or crematorium until you're ready to collect them.
You might scatter them somewhere they loved, bury them in a memorial garden or keep them at home. Some families turn a small amount into jewellery or another keepsake.
For a headstone, you'll usually need to wait up to 12 months after a burial, so the ground can settle. Cemeteries and churchyards often have rules on size and style, so check before you choose.
How much does a funeral cost?
The cost of a funeral depends on the type of service, the coffin and whether it's a burial or cremation.
Fees paid to others, such as the crematorium, cemetery or minister, are added to the funeral director's price. A burial usually costs more, as buying a grave is often a separate cost.
Costs vary from one funeral centre to another, so your local FuneralCoop funeral centre can talk you through them. Your funeral director will give you a full estimate before you decide.
Find your nearest funeral centre
You can keep costs lower by choosing an unattended funeral, fewer cars or donations instead of flowers. If you get certain benefits, you may be able to get a Funeral Expenses Payment from the government.
We don't charge for the funeral of a child under 18.